Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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