You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
