You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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