I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
