The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize