I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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