I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize