break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
