Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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