All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She bit a glass in half.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
