We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
