i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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