we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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