I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
