We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize