We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
