just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
