currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
