you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
