Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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