I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
