We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
