All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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