Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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