Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize