Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
