We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
