i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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