drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
