so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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