I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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