I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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