my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
