How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize