I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
