I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
id be glad to
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize