omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
