my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
