i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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