i may or may not be watching the land before time
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'd cum for enchiladas.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
