This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
