Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
