I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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