hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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