I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
