you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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