This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
