Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
