He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize