Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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