I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
