All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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