I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
