All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize