the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm gonna fight the coyote
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
