Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
