She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
