He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
