Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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