Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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