So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
