Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
