I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
