A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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