I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize