well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
