Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
why do cheetos always look like penises
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
