Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
