were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
