Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
