So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
