i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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