TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
