Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
