No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
