I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
