Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
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