brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
3pm strippers are depressing
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
