i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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