My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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