he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
