is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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