I didn't shave. On purpose
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
