did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
