i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I am available for nakedness
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize