wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
