i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
