oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
