Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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