Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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