Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
