you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize