I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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