So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
