my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
did i just pee glitter
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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